The only thing more fun than a good Rangers offseason is a chaotic Rangers offseason. Perhaps that is because we have become a culture that thrives off chaos and instability. The Rangers could be headed to a chaotic offseason, with a vacant head coaching position, a few RFAs that could get an offer sheet, and trade rumors abound. There are levels of chaos on the scale, and a truly chaotic Rangers offseason could be in the works.
Disclaimer: Since satire and/or non-serious topics require a call out nowadays, none of this is going to happen. It’s just fun to look at would would be the most chaotic Rangers offseason.
Step 1: Hire Mike Babcock
The first step to a truly chaotic Rangers offseason is to hire one of the worst options on the board. You could argue that Joel Quenneville would be the most chaotic, but believe it or not most fans have a moral compass and don’t want the Rangers to hire a coach that had a role in covering up sexual assault.
Mark Messier could have been an option, but not only is his name not even in the rumor mill, again most fans seem to realize that Messier’s lack of coaching experience at any level would not help this team. We are going for pure chaos, not splintered chaos.
Mike Babcock would be the perfect chaotic hire. A true jerk through and through, his claim to fame had been a Stanley Cup and 10 straight seasons in the playoffs with the Detroit Red Wings. Babcock’s stature took a nose dive after being unceremoniously fired by the Toronto Maple Leafs. His dismissal midseason led to news breaking about his divisive approach to the locker room and verbal abuse of players.
Hiring Babcock would instantly up the chaotic Rangers offseason grade to about a 7. Opinions would fly, arguments had, and friendships broken over this hire. Perhaps that last bit is hyperbole, but can’t you just see each side digging in about his “successes as a coach” versus “verbal abuse and a total jerk”? The tweets write themselves.
Step 2: An offer sheet to K’Andre Miller or Alexis Lafreniere
With Babcock set, the next step in the most chaotic Rangers offseason is losing one or both of K’Andre Miller and Alexis Lafreniere to an offer sheet. The Devils have $34 million in cap space, and could hurt the Rangers while helping themselves with a pair of offer sheets.
Not wanting to hamstring themselves with long term deals, the Devils, in this scenario would give one year deals to both Miller and Lafreniere, one getting $4,290,125 and the other getting $6,435,186. These are the top-ends of their respective offer sheet compensation ranges for a 2nd round pick and 1st/3rd round picks.
The Devils would need to re-acquire their 2024 2nd round pick from San Jose, which would only add to the anarchy.
Imagine the Rangers bringing in Babcock and then losing their top-four LD and first overall pick within weeks of each other? That’s how you get to a chaotic Rangers offseason.
Step 3: Panarin for Marner, the trade is one for one
Could you imagine an Artemi Panarin for Mitch Marner trade? Not only would we get sheer chaos from Rangers Twitter, but we’d get to fight with Leafs Twitter too! All the chaos for half the price. Not saying this would be a bad trade for the Rangers, but it would certainly be one of the more chaotic trades.
So far, the Rangers have hired Mike Babcock, lost K’Andre Miller and Alexis Lafreniere to the Devils, and traded Panarin for Marner.
Step 4: Babcock fires Benoit Allaire
Could you imagine? This would be right up there with letting Jim Ramsay go.
Step 5: Glen Sather takes over as General Manager, again
The last piece of a truly chaotic Rangers offseason would be more front office turmoil. Chris Drury has decided he wants to run his pizza place full time, and has given the reins of the organization back to Glen Sather.
A truly chaotic Rangers offseason, indeed.
Remember this when the Rangers stay relatively quiet this offseason and focus on a coach and getting more out of the roster.
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