Offseason

The pros and cons of being quarantined with each Ranger

What would it be like to be quarantined with each player?

As of Sunday 8pm, we are all (in NY) under quarantine. All non-essential workers are working from home. Essential places like grocery stores, pharmacies, and liquor stores remain open. As we all sit at home, doing our part to stop the spread of the coronavirus, we are spending more time with significant others and family than previously. But what would it be like if you were quarantined with a Ranger? What would the pros and cons be? Well luckily, we’ve figured it out.

Henrik Lundqvist

Pros: He’s a solid barber, so you can keep that hair of yours in check since all barbershops and salons are closed.

Cons: His pep talks are going to run your shampoo and conditioner budget dry.

Alex Georgiev

Pros: He can help you with all your housework needs, including straightening that kitchen countertop you put in wrong.

Cons: Likely to be traded to another quarantined family at some point.

Igor Shesterkin

Pros: Puppies.

Cons: Will block any attempt at throwing things out.

Jacob Trouba

Pros: Lots of money to spend on those still open liquor stores. Fiance is a health professional, as a just in case.

Cons: Time spent crying about his best friend being traded is likely to get annoying at some point.

Marc Staal

Pros: Snow angels means clean floors.

Cons: Ginger.

Brendan Smith

Pros: Can perform various roles, even without prior training.

Cons: Fights with your family. Will end his quarantine with a broken hand.

Tony DeAngelo

Pros: Will up your social media game.

Cons: Will probably make you want to delete your social media.

Ryan Lindgren

Pros: Older siblings won’t mess with you if he’s in your corner.

Cons: Horrible choice in food.

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2 guys not to be confused with 5 guys

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Adam Fox

Pros: Grew up a Rangers fan. Lots to talk about.

Cons: Bad sports betting advice.

Artemi Panarin

Pros: Builds birdhouses.

Cons: Doesn’t finish any other projects.

Mika Zibanejad

Pros: Sweet DJ skills for your late night parties.

Cons: Horrible fashion sense.

Chris Kreider

Pros: Can jump out of a pool. There’s no inherent value here, but it’s just damn impressive.

Cons: Will screen your view of the tv with alarming efficiency.

Pavel Buchnevich

Pros: Calm and collected. Never shows emotion. Under appreciated driver of house chores.

Cons: Resting Buch face.

Ryan Strome

Pros: Lover of good video games.

Cons: Video game addiction. Goodbye bandwidth.

Jesper Fast

Pros: Jack of all trades.

Cons: Has his own Instagram wedding page.

Kaapo Kakko

Pros: Makes a mean cuppo cocoa.

Cons: Comes with his own religion, apparently.

Brendan Lemieux

Pros: Has embraced talking like a New Yorker.

Cons: He’s probably going to spend most of his time without a shirt.

Filip Chytil

Pros: Doesn’t tweet. You’d be amazed at how big of a pro this is.

Cons: Bound to knock someone in your family over.

Julien Gauthier

Pros: Can reach things on the top shelf. Makes good poutine.

Cons: French accent.

Greg McKegg

Pros: Great name for rhyming games.

Cons: That’s really all he can contribute.

Phil Di Giuseppe

Pros: Probably a good cook.

Cons: Endless sauce vs. gravy discussions.

David Quinn

Pros: Can motivate you to do anything at the beginning and end of the day.

Cons: Boston accents are worse than French accents. Nowhere to be found in the middle of the day.

Lindy Ruff

Pros: Old man yells at cloud.

Cons: Old man yells at cloud.

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  • Very creative David, thank you.

    And thank you for hanging in there during this dreadful time of all our lives.

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