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Plans for MSG’s next renovation

While many Knicks & Rangers fans have been nervously awaiting the looming ticket price increases for round two of the Garden renovations, I for one am looking forward to Madison Square Garden V – set to open in 2050.  Below are the future plans and press release for the new MSG, which was sent to me by one of Larry Brooks’ “sources.”

The plans are underway to create Madison Square Garden V, set to open in 2050. When complete the arena will feature wider concourses, overpriced watered-down beer, new first-class food and entertainment amenities, “bottle service”, silk to wipe your ass with, and LED video systems in 4D. Fans will discover a state-of-the-art venue that’s as forgettable as the Bryan Trottier era.

And while a lot about The Garden may be changing, there’s one thing that will slowly erode – a passionate fan base.

The fervor and intensity that has always made MSG the greatest arena in the world will cease to exist due to our “competitive” pricing structure.  And why not, it’s 2050! There will be no more laptops, leather-bound books, unions, or the middle class, but there will be a first-class clientele!

Who needs working folk anyway?

In Garden V, the arena will be entirely composed of state-of-the-art suites. That’s right no more upper bowl or those awful peasants who used to occupy them, just luxury suites for Corporate Earth. 

Each Suite will feature futuristic floating touch screens that will show you everything from the vital signs of your favorite concussed hockey player, to fantasy scores, Corsi data, stock tickers, even the financial health of the Ponzi sitting next to you.

Explore everything the transformed Garden has to offer now!

6 Responses to “Plans for MSG’s next renovation”

  1. Spozo says:

    It will be a stark contrast to the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum which will still be standing. Also rumor has it that they are extending depietros contract so he can still be in net in 2050.

  2. VinceR says:

    Hear-hear, Suit.

  3. wwpd says:

    sarcasm?

  4. blueshirtb says:

    this is funny.
    but it can always go from a joke to reality as we saw during W’s presidency.
    haha. oh man.